Divorcing Your Fat

Weight is a funny thing.  It reminds me a lot of that woman in your life that just won't go away.  At first you hardly even notice she's there.  You don't mind having her around.  You might even think she's a little cute.  As time goes by you notice that she becomes a bigger and bigger part of your life.  Sure everything's copesthetic at first, but eventually you get tired of her so you try to get rid of her.  Maybe you try to run away from her, but as soon as you let your guard down, she always seems to find you, latching on to you again even tighter than before like one of those nasty face huggers in Alien.  In the end you just accept that she will always be there, for better or worse.  So you accept her for what she is and settle down with her growing older, growing fatter, and waiting to die.

It seems like more and more of us are willing to stay married to our weight.  And even though most of these marriages are unhappy ones we remain stubborn and set in our ways, refusing to think we can do anything about it.  We may even fantasize about sexier alternatives.  The thought of moving past this obstacle that has become the biggest part of our lives may even consume us in every way.

Yes Jay-Z!  I am your conscious.  You're too good for her. 

Leave her tonight... and give me her number....

News Flash!  You don't need to stay married to stay married to that dead weight!  Here are some tips that you can use to not only divorce the fat, but make sure the two of you don't end up remarrying.

1)  Educate Yourself About Nutrition
I don't care what you think you know about nutrition.  Most of us don't know jack!  And that's the truth...Jack!  If you learn more about the food you put in your body it will be a lot easier to tell that fat to hit the road...Jack.  Ok I don't know where I'm going with the whole Jack thing but educating yourself about nutrition is a good idea to help you with weight loss.  You want a trial seperation, you go to weight watchers.  The problem is, weight watchers, Nutiri-System, Jenny Craig, and all of those other nutrition systems don't do anything to educate you enough about what you are putting in your body.  You may lose the weight, but a lot of people end up putting the weight back on after they get off the diet plans that have been created for them.  You want to learn something you can apply to your everyday life.  Take a nutrition class.  They're easy to find and chances are you can pop in to your local community college and sign up for one.  Question:  How many fat nutritionists are there?  Answer:  None!  Why?  Because they know what to and what not to put in to their bodies.

This man is not a certified nutritionist

2)  Exercise God Damnit!

What I'm about to tell you may sound kind of crazy, but guess what if you want to lose weight and keep it off, you have to exercise.  Look, if you wanna avoid putting on weight, you're gonna have to commit to an active lifestyle. 

I'm not saying that you have to live in the gym.  I understand that most people live very busy lives.  Between work, families, friends, social lives, and everything else it sometimes seems like there's no time to exercise.  There are ways around this you know?  Try incorporating active things for you to do with your families while you are spending time together.  Go on a family bike ride, go hiking, go kayaking, cliff diving, base jumping, I don't care!  The point is there are plenty of active things you can do with the whole family while getting exercise.

Don't have kids, but your still too busy! We'll see about that!  Check out this other blog written by an incredibly good looking young Los Angeles based personal trainer.  Read the post titled frequency in the gym.  It might open your eyes to exactly how much time you have.

3)  Get More Sleep

Lack of sleep affects (is that right?  I never know when to use effects or affects) our body's ability to lose weight.  That's right!  Our body's metabolic rate is actually running at maximal efficiency during deep sleep.  That means outside of the 30 min you might be on the treadmill a day, your body is burning through calories faster than any other time of the day when you are asleep.  Sleeping more can also help you deal with stress (another cause of fat retention) easier as well as give you more energy for exercise.

In Summary

There is no reason you have to stay in a unhealthy relationship with your fat.  When it comes to your weight it should be a happy relationship.  Using these three steps you will guarantee yourself a happier more fulfilling relationship with your body fat.  Hopefully a more passionate one as well.  The type of marriage where you still have those deep seated animalistic urges towards each other.  Maybe twice a month when the kids are over at their grandparents house for the night and you and your fat can engage in hot, sweaty, intense love making.  Yeah baby! You can hold your fat close whisper in it's ear as you pour hot candle wax all over it's...umm, sorry.  I get a little carried away sometimes.  Just follow the steps and keep the fat off.